


Some Things Are Inevitable

by cmorgana



Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, Mention of Canon Violence, Mention of blood, mention of canon abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 21:17:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10952898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmorgana/pseuds/cmorgana
Summary: A follow up that takes place immediately after S1. An insight of Wolfgang after he killed his uncle.The tags refer to the killing scene, therefore if you watched the episode you should be okay reading this.





	Some Things Are Inevitable

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cordelia69](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cordelia69/gifts).



> That's my first fic - and maybe my last - about Sense8. I love that show but even more I love Wolfgang and rewatching it I couldn't keep myself from torturing him a little bit more XD
> 
> English is not my first language and no one but me checked this fic, so blame on me any mistake, I did my best though. 
> 
> Once more this fic is dedicated to [Cordelia69](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Cordelia69/pseuds/Cordelia69) who keeps up with me every day while I ask her things I forgot and ten minutes later again, because I forgot them once more, and because she didn't even kill me when I told her I had written this one instead than the other thousand fics I'm currently working on, veeery slowly.

He loved the still quiet of that place, an old, crumbling, factory in East Berlin, something that no one yet has thought of restoring. It just sat there, a monument to the grey, poor, past of that part of the city.

He loved it probably because he was the same. He felt the same. 

Sitting there, seven stores up, legs dangling in the empty below him, he felt like something old and ruined. Something the world would be better off without. He should be demolished, destroyed, and replaced by something better. By someone better. 

He didn't feel a monster, he's never had, not even when he's killed and burned his father, but now that he shared his mind and body with other people, so far away from the world he's grown up in, he knew he didn't feel like them either. 

They all, no matter how hard their lives has been, even Sun and Will, had faith in humanity, had faith that there's something good in this world, but he hadn't, he's lost that faith decades before. He's lost that when he was just a kid and from then on violence was the only thing he got good at. 

He didn't regret killing his uncle, if there has ever been a man deserving it, after his father, it was him. He didn’t' even mind the man was blood, the only blood that made a difference to Wolfgang, at that point, was the one splattered on the floor and still wetting his face and clothes. The only blood he cared about was Felix's, shot because of him, hurt, once more, just for being his friend, his family. 

That were the only two kinds of blood he cared about and he felt almost relieved that by then his uncle's was nothing more than a stain on the marble floor. Blood dripping out of mortal wounds, exactly like Wolfgang felt his own has been for years. It didn't matter he was still alive, his soul has already dripped out of him drop by drop, together with the blood his father has made him spit and piss and shit. 

Someone, maybe, would have ironically called - that blood thing - karma, but to him, it was only revenge. 

Just for a moment an image passed through his brain, a little him, just a kid, who's ran to his uncle for help after a punch too much, after a touch too much, and the face of the man while he has called his father to go and get him back still burned like a hot poker behind his eyelids. Yet, for a second, his throat tightened, his chest started to hurt in fear. For a moment he still was that kid. Except he wasn't. No longer. He now was the man who slew his own monsters even if the price for that has been to turn into one himself.

Wolfgang felt the pull of the others in his head. Words. Feelings. Light touches that felt like a memory of something too old to remember, but he forced them away, he shut them out of his mind, his body, his soul. He managed to push them in the back of his brain like he would have done with a nightmare or with that shadow you catch with the corner of your eyes. He didn't need their empty words, their pity. He knew who he was and he knew he could be nothing else.

To them, maybe, he could be the one to do the dirty work, he could protect them and even protect their minds from something that would scar them to do. They were now his family, not as much as Felix, never, no one would be his family like he was, blood or mental connection to hell, but still they were and he had no problem to get his hands dirty for them, no matter what. He could do everything for his family, he was the one who felt nothing but loyalty to who deserved that. 

"Still you're shaking so bad it's a miracle you didn't fall down, yet," that voice, that thick accent, the one he needed, wanted, to push away more than any else but that he didn't seem to be able to. 

"Go away, please. You are the last person I need right now," he heard himself say, but they didn't feel like his words, neither the ones of someone in his cluster. They felt somehow foreign on his tongue like he wasn't able to lie and believe it like he was no longer able to ask for the opposite of what he needed. 

But Kala didn't. She just sat near him, the echo of a presence, and still, Wolfgang felt his body react to it. It wasn't sexual, far from it. Not that he didn't want her, but that feeling was something different, deep, primal. Something he hasn't felt since his mother death. It felt like warmth, love, protection. Things he could no longer afford to have, to feel. Things that made him vulnerable. Things that put in danger who gave them to him. Like Felix. There's a part of him, a tiny one, who wondered how would be to still have them, how amazing it would be to really sit near Kala and let himself feel those things. How it would feel not to be too ruined for her. But he couldn't linger on such thoughts, she was the princess, he was the monster guarding her tower, nothing more. 

"You're going into shock, Wolfgang," she whispered and took his hand and just then he noticed she was right, he was shaking, he felt sick and too cold. But he was in Berlin, it was always cold in Berlin. 

"I'm better at killing than at dealing with the past," he admitted just for her, just that little slip, that glimpse to something deep enough that not even their bond could touch, "Still I have the blood of a monster in me. What are you doing still here, Kala? I just killed so many men, I forced you into making a bomb! You looked at me while I blew the head of my own uncle," he finished, low, as if words were too little to explain. Or maybe he just didn't have enough of them.

"I protected you, I'd do it again and again," she started, but he interrupted her.

"Right, not worse feeling than losing one of the cluster," he said ironically. Even death was no longer his. Even by dying he'd now ruin someone's life. 

"I don't care about that something I don't even understand, Wolfgang. I don't care what you did, I told you, I was terrified for you, I was terrified to lose you and I'd do anything to protect you. I saw you in that room, Wolfgang, you emptied a magazine into your uncle's face, but all I saw was a terrified kid. They were the monsters, not you," she dried a tear on her own cheek and in that moment Wolfgang realized he was crying too. Big, fat, silent tears. He hasn't cried in years. Not since his mother. Not since he's learnt to keep his pain in check under his father's hands. He didn't cry. Crying is for bitches, he was a man. So, maybe, that shock thing was true, after all. 

"I killed him. He was unarmed and begging. I looked at him and I saw my father," that was actually part of the problem. He did that and still felt nothing more than hate. Where was that relief that he lost everything for? Where was that single second of feeling totally okay, totally safe, that he did that for? "Go away, Kala. Go to Rajan, marry him, be happy. Spend time with the others, with Capheus, just stay away from me. You don't need to live with my darkness. It isn't over, I just destroyed all the frail balances of this world, it comes with a price, I'll pay it, but no one near me will ever be safe. Not even you, on the other side of the world," but she stopped him by taking his hand and for a moment she felt solid, real. The most real thing in his life. One of the two it was worth living for. Or maybe eight, now. 

"You talk, and think, and feel so much about saving and protecting who you love, but you can't see you did it all to save yourself."

"I don't need saving," ha said looking at the empty under him.

"You do, you do since you were a kid."

"So what, I killed my blood out of cowardice? I was trying to save my life for you, for the others, otherwise it was just about revenge, nothing worth of being saved," he said with a grin that turned his face into a grotesque mask. This time Kala shook her head with a sigh.

"I can't heal a lifetime of hurt for you," she said sadly, holding his hand a little tighter. He was still trembling, harder, and for a moment he wondered if it really was for the shock or because of her because he was losing her. Because he used to fuck everything vaguely good in his life. 

"Kala," he started but he was at short of words. He's never been good at those, he was better with fists or, with Felix, with gestures, "You can't get my world, you can't understand how things are, how things are inevitable. There is nothing to heal, only to destroy, love doesn't fit in this life, weakness gets you killed. If there's ever been a kid to save it's no longer there, he's dead a long time ago," he was still crying, he wondered if he was ever gonna stop. Nervously he dried his eyes with the heels of his hands, "please, Kala, go," he asked once more. He couldn't take it, he couldn't feel her innocence, her faith, her sweetness. He couldn't feel safe, because he wasn't, or even worse loved, knowing he'd just destroy her whole life. 

That time she nodded, bottom lip caught between her white teeth, so luscious Wolfgang had to look away. 

"You need rest, no matter what your head wants, your body isn't happy with you. Maybe you need even more to see Felix. Right now he isn't in danger, you just saved him for the time being," she didn't put any emotion in his voice, and just like that she's gone, leaving Wolfgang alone but grateful. He couldn't do that with her around. He could do nothing with her around, she had the power of stopping his head from thinking straight. 

He already missed her. 

He felt like he couldn't breathe at the idea she's gone, she's someone else's now. 

He looks down. The street seemed so far away, the beam he was sitting on suddenly so thin, frail. He closed his eyes and a second later he took a glance at the others, so quick that they didn't even notice him. They needed him, they needed to be protected, they needed to be saved from having to do things that would mark them forever. 

Still, no one was as important as Felix. He got up, walking carefully toward the stairs. He needed to see him, to smell him, to talk to him. He needed to feel protected, even if Felix still was in a coma that was his superpower. Since they were kids. Felix was the one to protect him, he was his family.


End file.
